The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
