I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
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God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies