We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.