Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.