i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees