Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
