I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
