We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
