She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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