I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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