and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
