I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
