I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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