so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
and you fell through a lawn chair
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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