Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
