sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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