So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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