around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
