Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
