Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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