just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
