so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
