I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
