thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
