I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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