i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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