So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
