so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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