can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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