Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
