My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.