You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation