how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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