His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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