Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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