his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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