I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
