I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
me + whiskey = a bad person
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
