OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
