Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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