Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
