I am spending my child support on dildos
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
