break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We have started to decorate penises.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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