go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
