please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
