At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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