Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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