I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
