Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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