I just pynch a tree in the face
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
