Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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