I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
