I just threw up on my dentist
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
