My liver just broke up with me...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
