explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
