i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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