Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize