Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
