Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize