Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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