Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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