If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
zippers are such a cool invention
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
